dear platoon mates, i know that i have been rather bad-tempered the passed few days and have caused much stress and unhappiness among all of us. but all i want to say is that i didnt really mean to be so bitchy and bossy, i just wanted to get things done. perhaps whatever i say now maybe unsincere or you all may just take this as another post of attention seeking. no matter what you all feel or think about this post, i really dun mind. i just want to get what i want to really to say to all of you from the bottom of my heart off my chest. R.O.D was just a few days ago. and since that day, i have been thinking, its less than a year that we all have to bond with each other before we really get on with our own business as becoming different post. well, thats not the main thing. about another 2 years later, its our R.O.D. i tried putting myself in the senior's shoes after the parade and reflected:
2 years from now, we will be thinking back NOW and thought about the moments we had together, but will it be a good and memorable memory for everyone?

its been more than 1 1/2 years since we've been together. and for this period of time, i really want to thank every single one of you for tolerating with my nonsense and my temper. i know that theres been many gossips about me behind my back, but i dun blame you all. coz its my fault for being the 'bad' one you see. however, what i really dun understand is that why cant we just talk things out face to face? it may hurt, but it hurts even more when you hear it from others. conflicts conflict conflicts. i know that most of them are concerning me. there was even a period of time when almost the whole part dislike me, said i was bossy and blah. perhaps it still occurs to you now. however, will this image of me remain in all of your minds forever? at times i feel really deperate, to tell you all how much you all really mean to me. but thinking about it, perhaps not all of you will really understand the meaning of it. and i seriously duno how to express myself. that statement might just be ignored by some of you all.

for the past few months of year 2007, i tried my very best to pull the part together, i wanted us to be united, desperately, especially when the juniors are in. i did all i could. i wrote letters to you all, i organised part meetings and so on. [dun misunderstood, i am not saying all these to make all my efforts recognised.] but i thought to myself, not all of you really appreciate my letters, not all of you bothered to come down at that time. i blamed everyone at that time. i admit, i really did. now, thinking back, actually i only have myself to blame for everything. after what senior wj told me, then did i realised that everything i did was wrong. to be truthful, she said that the way i did / planned things was not respecting the part. i understood her remark. and since then, everything i wanted to plan, i would ask for all of your opinions. however, to much disappointment, not everybody replied to my sms. i didnt know what to do then. and so for the pass few part meetings organised, i started losing my patience because ppl just refused to cooperate. i did a lot of mean things that i should not have done. well, its best if i admit. i scolded the g3 people behind their backs, i said f***g3. i complained and complained to some others about those who refuse to cooperate. okay, i sincerely apologise, it was said out of a moment of anger. the sms i sent to all of you, i sounded as if i was ordering you all, which wasn't right. i shouted at all of you. and i really want to apologise for all of that. i am very sorry.

now, its only less than a year we have left together. i would really want to make the best out of this period of time. for me, its still hard for me to let go of seniors. looking at how hard senior sophia cried really ached. let me tell you all something. i used to hate the whole of delta 07 at the very beginning coz i felt that they were mean as they didnt allow us to talk to delta 06 seniors. i really hated them a lot. i only managed to really accept them until nearing the end of 2006. i regretted now. why do i only learn to appreciate them when they're gone? i cry myself to sleep every night. partly because i miss them, partly also because i am scared of entering part c life. its tough and i fear that i wont be able to take it. we've hurt our ex-ncos, and i dun wana do the same to the present ones now. i am really very scared of them, they are like so fierce. i really regret loads for not appreciating the seniors. but its all too late. right now, i am thinking if we will really stay united through our part c to be life?

i really am very very sorry for all that i have done. the hurt is caused and nothing can change the fact. but all i ask is for all of your forgiveness. i dun enjoyed being dao-ed, nor do i enjoy being restricted to say what i want to. i am very very sorry platoon mates. can we all start afresh?

chih yin, i am really very sorry for whatever i have done to make you so cold towards me. i have done everything i could to improve our relationship. i hope you can sense my sincerity...

i am willing to change, for the better... give me some time... i hope that we could have a thresh out talk one day...can someone organise it?

love all of you forever,
ke li mei mei-